


Fish Stories

by Origami_Roses



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Norse Mythology - Freeform, definitely counts as crack, genres of literature, just for fun, probably counts as crack, recommended reading, rewritten mythology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Origami_Roses/pseuds/Origami_Roses
Summary: purely self-indulgent nonsense with cameos of some of my favorite books.
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Tony paused in the doorway to observe the Asgardian mage in the common room. He couldn't say he was happy to have the man back in his Tower... no, actually, he couldn't say he was happy to have Thor back in his Tower. Thor was a walking disaster around electronics and an entitled slob besides. (seriously. The number of times Tony had tripped over a certain hammer left carelessly on the floor...) His not-so-crazy brother was reserved and actually kind of fun - in a stabby sort of way. When he wasn't busy being broody, Loki was usually reading books that could only be referred to as Tomes (yes. Capitalized.) and making notes.

And that was exactly what he was currently doing while occupying Tony's favorite chair. Not that research was a bad thing - Tony certainly did enough of it himself. But, still... Hours at a time just reading big, fat, _serious_ books. 

"Hey, Lo, does Asgard have a concept of fiction? Thor talks of tales, but it sounds like fish stories to me."

"I am unfamiliar with that phrase, Stark." Loki looked up briefly, looking slightly irritated at the interruption. "Thor has seldom gone fishing - it lacks the opportunity to smash things with his hammer." 

"Exaggerations and boasting, but based on real events - in the retelling, the fish gets larger, the fight was harder, the hunt took longer, the deer had a larger rack... so, 'fish stories'." 

"Ah. Essentially, yes. The tales Thor tells are, indeed, 'fish stories'. Some are all but unrelated to their origins." 

"But no stories that are entirely made up?" 

"You mean lies? Yes, of course" 

"No... here on Earthgard, lies are made-up stories told as truth and intended to deceive. Fiction is for entertainment - sometimes to illustrate a point, but usually just for fun. Totally open about not being true." 

"Ah. Fables. Yes, Asgard has them, though they are typically for children." 

"Um, no, not really. ...fables are usually short and specifically intended to make a point or teach a lesson, rather than just to fill a few empty hours. ...Ok, ya know what, we're introducing you to fiction. I think you'll like it. There are lots of genres... let's see.. 'A Fall of Moondust' by Clarke is a good example of hard science fiction. Or 'Starman Jones' by Heinlein. hmmm... let's see... 'Saint Vidicon to the Rescue' by Stasheff is pretty decent soft sci-fi, though Asimov has several short stories that are better examples." 

"Hard and Soft? How do these terms relate to stories?" 

"Well, 'hard' science fiction are stories in which the ... uh, technical problems, I suppose is as good a term as any, and finding a solution are the focus. Things like crashing on an alien planet and surviving long enough to either be rescued or to repair the spaceship enough to escape. Those stories deal with actual science, and the best are written by authors who actually _know_ science. A lot of them have degrees in physics or biology or such. People like Asimov, Clarke, Zahn... Lots of others, too, of course. 'Soft' science fiction deals more with sociological problems and the interpersonal conflicts of the characters - exploring culture clashes as new planets are discovered, assumptions and biases that are present in alien cultures or future human civilizations. A lot of those authors have minimal science background, but might have studied communications or anthropology or psychology - the so-called 'soft sciences'. Then you get what I call pseudo science fiction. It's basically a story with a vaguely science fiction-esque background that has absolutely no significant impact on the story itself. A bodice ripper set on a spaceship is still just literary porn. They just meet on the Holodeck instead of the veranda." He rolled his eyes. 

"And what is porn?" 

"You don't have that, either, huh? Weird. I thought most cultures had some sort of artform intended to titillate. Pornography is typically nudie pictures of varying degrees of debauchery, but written porn is usually highly unrealistic and often excessively detailed stories of sex and its many forms, kinks and perversions. It often gets called 'romance' to make it sound less dirty or something, but it's porn. Sometimes it has enough of a plot to be interesting, but mostly not. Though people's ideas of alien sex are... creative. Let's go with creative. And weird. And sometimes disturbing." 

"You've read enough to form a solid opinion, it seems." 

"Reading can be a useful distraction when I'm too tired to invent and don't want to sleep. I sort of stumbled onto the freaky alien porn by accident. It only took one time to decide it's marginally better than the truly inaccurate 'normal' porn, but still not worth reading unless I'm so sleep deprived that I literally can't focus on anything so it doesn't matter. Which is pretty rare." 

"And yet enough people write and presumably read it for this is common on your Realm? ...Why?" 

"...I ...don't really know. People like to fantasize, and I suppose some either need help finding a fantasy or have a kink for sharing their own. I don't have either of those issues, so I don't really get it.  
"Speaking of fantasies, though: Tolkein is quintessential High Fantasy - epic quests, big bad boss-monsters, magic, you name it. I'm definitely putting Lord of the Rings on your reading list." 

Loki glowered at him. "Stark, magic is not some mere _fantasy_. I have studied and worked at it as diligently as anything you have ever set your mind to. And I've been dragged on enough of Thor's 'epic quests' to last me multiple lifetimes, thank you very much." 

"Chill, Gandalf. Here on Earthgard, magic isn't really a thing, ya know. Not for all us muggles, at least. We have no clue how it really works and no chance to study it, so it's fantasy. It's probably wildly inaccurate. You might even find our wild guesses and speculation funny. ...and it might be interesting to see how Tolkein's fantasy quests stack up to your real-life experiences. Or horrifying. I don't know. Though if we're going for horror, 'A Shadow Over Innsmouth' by Lovecraft is a good start. That will do for horror and short stories both.  
"Mystery... maybe introduce you to Poirot. Curtain, perhaps, or Peril at End House. Or maybe you'd like Miss Marple better... Caribbean Mystery and Nemesis - all those are by Christie. Though if you want something lighter the Black Widowers might be better. Or 'Revenge of the Wrought Iron Flamingos'." Tony chuckled. "Yeah, let's go with Andrews first and Christie after." 

"Is that all, Stark? I admit I enjoy reading, but you seem determined to override my intentions for study for the next century or so." 

"Nah, not going to interrupt your precious study time, Dumbledore, just expand your horizons a bit - find you something to relax with. There are dozens of other genres and sub-genres. We'll find at least one you enjoy.  
...and I would eventually like to introduce you to Mythology? Not necessarily Norse - though sometime I'd like to ask how much of that shit is real 'coz it's _messed up_ \- maybe Greek? The twelve tasks of Hercules, I think; it's less messed up than a lot of them." 

"Oh, I met Hercules. He was a lot like Thor, and I can assure you he didn't do nearly the work that tale implies. It is, as you say, a fish story." 

"...riiiight... Well, then, we'll watch the Twelve Tasks of Asterix instead, since you have the wit to appreciate it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the books and authors listed are real, and are among my favorites for the listed genre. (and this is far from an exhaustive list.) A lot of them are older and probably out of print, but that's why I like used book stores! ^_^ (There are also digitized archives that have many older works available.)  
> In order of appearance:
> 
>   * Arthur C Clarke, 
>   * Robert Heinlein (his early works only. Much of his later stuff devolves into the pseudo- category, IMO), 
>   * Christopher Stasheff (both fantasy and sci-fi, and blends of the two), 
>   * Isaac Asimov (wrote pretty much all genres - the Black Widowers are his, too), 
>   * Timothy Zahn, 
>   * JRR Tolkein, 
>   * H.P. Lovecraft (best known for the Cthulu mythos), 
>   * Agatha Christie, 
>   * Donna Andrews (especially anything with a bird in the title). 
> 

> 
> Asterix is from French comics/ animation, and has various stories - they are very funny. ^_^ (The animation for Twelve Tasks is _very_ dated, but it's a hoot!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myths get discussed. Childhood shenanigans are revealed. Many people and things are mocked.

"Soooo... you met Hercules, huh? Does this mean Zeus and all his incestful Olympians are real, too? Do he and Odin get into godly dick-measuring contests?"

Loki looked up at that last, exasperation clear in the unimpressed look he leveled at the irritating mortal who insisted on interrupting his daily meditation. Just because they were ... not-antagonistic acquaintances ... didn't mean he appreciated the constant chatter. Not always, at least. Not today when his thoughts had been calm and he'd _almost_ caught the currents of Midgard's sluggish, weak, energy flows. 

"Did your invisible servant _not_ inform you that I did not wish to be disturbed, Stark?" 

"...um... yeah, J said something about that, but I ... really kinda need to know whether we're likely to have _another_ set of ancient so-called 'gods' showing up and causing havoc. And since I'm already here, maybe you could tell me? I brought ice cream!" Tony gave him what was obviously intended to be a winning smile, and he just rolled his eyes in return. 

"OR, maybe you could have the courtesy to ask ahead of time for an audience with me." Loki sniffed. 

"Oh, hoity-toity today, are we? La, m'Lord, perhaps thou should lower your nose before a low-flying bird mistakes it for a nesting spot." 

Loki couldn't help it. He snorted at the utterly ridiculous man. "I daresay you speak from experience?" 

Tony gasped and staggered melodramatically in supposed shock before laughing. "I've only hit a bird once with my nose - and I was in the suit doing Mach 2 at the time, so... " he smirked. "The bird lost. Anyway, ice cream and mythology?" 

"Fine. But next time, please do remember that if I ask not to be disturbed, it is usually for similar reasons that you lockdown your lab. Today you were fortunate - I was not working on anything particularly delicate to balance, nor requiring much power. My sort of explosions may not be as loud as yours, but they can be far more damaging. Please respect that." The look on Tony's face indicated that he _finally_ got it. Hopefully he'd remember. "I trust you at least remembered my flavor preference?" 

"Pistachio-almond for you and bourbon praline pecan for me. So... Hercules?" The man handed Loki a spoon and pint of ice cream before gleefully bouncing down on the sofa. 

Loki took the proffered treat. "Yes, I met Hercules. No, he was not a god; he was what you call 'enhanced'. To the best of my knowledge Zeus did not actually exist, and there is no pantheon of 'incestful Olympians' to trouble you. I _think_ , though I am not sure, that many of those myths were sparked by an isolated enclave of enhanced that lived in the mountains. They were fairly stand-offish and didn't take to outsiders.  
Yes, Hercules performed many impressive feats, for a mortal, and I have no doubt that he and his friend Orpheus used them to spread the tales of his supposed godhood. They were quite prone to get themselves into trouble as I recall, and a 'god' was generally given more leeway than normal. I didn't stay long enough to know much more than that." 

"Oh, that's good. Dealing with Asgard is enough of an annoying pain in the ass. ...present company excepted, of course! You're an entertaining pain in the ass." The mortal snickered and winked as he took a large bite of ice cream. _(He obviously deserved the brain freeze Loki ensured he'd suffer.)_

"hmmm... I suppose I resemble that remark." 

"So... that kinda covers the essentials of Greek myths. May I ask you about some of the myths around Asgard?" 

Loki froze, spoon halfway to his mouth. He knew of some of the myths, and really didn't want to go into the half-truths and painful lies behind the tales others had asked him about. "It depends on what you ask." 

Tony grinned. "Did Thor really have a goat-pulled chariot? I've never really dealt with livestock, but goats have a reputation for stubbornly independent and downright belligerent tempers." 

Loki burst out laughing. "That describes Thor almost perfectly, you know! Yes, he very, _very briefly did_ have a goat-cart, and got in trouble with both the goats and their rightful owner over it." 

"Yesss! Details, please!!" 

Loki smirked. Of all the tales he could have been asked for, this was one he liked. "We were visiting our uncle on Vanaheim when we were quite young. There were assorted Lords, Chieftains, nobles and politicians in attendance for some big event or conference - Odin being among them. While the adults were occupied with politics, we were left to run with the other children under the watchful eyes of our caretakers. Our various adventures took us to the stables, among many other places, as we were allowed to go riding if we wished and given a choice of mounts. It was there that we met the goats that would eventually be at the root of a great deal of trouble. One of the Chieftains from the high mountain regions of Vanaheim used large goats as pack animals. They were about the size of a small pony and, as he had raised them from almost the day they were born, would follow him willingly. They were friendly enough, and we petted and fed them, but were not allowed to take them out of their special pen. One of the stable boys commented that 'no one' could manage them besides their master. _Somehow_ Thor took that as a challenge and vowed to prove that he was better than some mere Village Chieftain." 

Tony snickered. "I don't suppose that 'somehow' rhymes with 'Loki', does it?" 

"Are you truly that illiterate, Stark? Those two words sound nothing alike. _Of course_ they don't rhyme." He sniffed in disdain. " 'Somehow' rhymes with 'Fandral'. Obviously." 

He savored a few more bites of ice cream while Tony got his laughter under control. 

"Elaborate plans were made to escape the not-watchful-enough eyes of our minders, and distract the goats' minders as well. A small cart was 'borrowed' from the garden staff. The goats were temporarily distracted by the young bean plants *certain people* had also 'borrowed' from the gardens, and the baggage harnesses the goats were accustomed to were buckled on and connected to makeshift leads for the cart, using the cart's handle as a centerline shaft. Most unfortunately for Thor, the goats _somehow_ " -he smirked, inviting Tony draw his own conclusions about rhymes- "stayed distracted just long enough for the operation to be completed and the knots tightened. Thor - a gleam in his eye, shouted his triumph from the bed of the cart as he slapped the goats' flanks with a rope.  
"It should be noted that, not only did Thor have no experience with goats in general, he had also never driven a cart. Predictably, the goats were not happy with the situation and began to kick, buck and - being goats - leap. They were not trained to work in tandem, and quickly overturned the cart and broke the shaft, partially freeing themselves... but only after they had dragged the cart - and thus Thor - along with them a fair distance, spooked every horse in the stables and broken a fence. The ruckus drew the attention of a great many people, none of whom were willing to take on the angry goats, now united in trying to trample Thor - who had taken refuge behind what remained of the once-sturdy cart. Had the goats not still been tied together and therefore getting in each others' ways, Thor would have been far worse off.   
"Eventually, the Chieftain who owned the goats arrived - along with Odin, our uncle, Mother and most of the court. The Chieftain had a fine set of lungs on him and bellowed for all the gawkers to get out and stop scaring his goats. The goats heard him, too and calmed down enough to let him unbuckle the harnesses... and then promptly showed Thor how lucky he'd been before.  
"For all that they couldn't work in tandem, they were extremely adept at taking turns butting. Thor had a great many bruises by the time he was well and truly rescued. Questions were asked, confessions were made, and for once Thor didn't manage to put the blame on me as I had been talking to the senior archivist for most of the afternoon, and it's not like I can be in two places at once..." 

Tony nearly choked on his ice cream, clearly remembering the many, _many_ times Loki had pranked him using a clone. 

"Suffice to say, between the broken cart, damaged fence, purloined bean plants, angry goats, angry Chieftain, twitchy horses, angry stablehands and several inconvenienced (though probably amused) nobly-born politicians, Thor was thoroughly shamed, and kept on a very short leash for the rest of our stay, being forced to attend the long, boring meetings with Odin, and publicly apologize to everyone.  
"Come to think of it, that's probably when Thor learned to hate political games. His tolerance for discussing issues and listening to others deteriorated noticeably as we got older. I'd always blamed it on gaining Mjolnir, but it could have started then. Unfortunately, the experience wasn't enough to teach him to think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those who are interested, a bit more about: [Pack Goats](https://www.hpj.com/livestock/no-kidding-packgoats-are-premier-pack-animals/article_6dcef219-d6a5-5734-8f5e-83b2823f759c.html#:~:text=Goats%20raised%20to%20be%20pack,a%20goat%2C%E2%80%9D%20said%20Sharp.)


End file.
